Project 365: Day 146

Bedtime story.

I have been struggling with my fear of failure a lot lately.  I feel like I'm not improving enough or getting to be good enough in various areas of my life.  Especially with the things that I have been putting effort into.  Photography is one of them, but not the only one... I have my 10 mile race in less than 2 weeks and while I feel pretty confident that I can run 10 miles at this point, I worry that I'm too slow.  Maybe not so slow that I won't make the 2:20:00 cut off, but slow enough that it's kind of a joke to even say I'm running.  So many people (and running articles) make it seem like I should easily be able to keep a faster pace than I do, but I struggle with even running a single 10 minute mile.  So instead of feeling proud for what I can do, I feel ashamed of what I can't.  And I feel like my pictures are stuck at mediocre... and I can't figure out what I need to do to break through this level.  I see what other people are doing and it's so beyond anything I feel capable of...  And I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people because that's the easiest way to get discourage, but I don't want to delude myself into thinking I'm doing better than I actually am either.  I'm trying to not let it get me too down, and I know the only way to actually get any better is to keep pushing it, but as of right now I'm just too tired to keep fighting off the negative voices.  But I'm trying to force myself to keep going through the motions for now, I know that the only way to a better place is to keep moving, even if it is only at a snail's pace.