Continual State of Becoming

Just wanted to share what motivates me.  It's NOT someone yelling at me and telling me that I can't do something, or I'm not doing it well enough so I need to try harder.  I know a lot of people feel motivated by that (to prove someone wrong), but I don't.  I just completely shut down.  It didn't work while I was learning piano and it definitely doesn't work when I exercise.  I need encouragement and sense of accomplishment.  So instead of "Come on I know you can do this, you just need to try harder" I need "wow, look at all you've already done, great job!"  And then I'll work harder, and I'll push myself...  So here is what runs through my mind as I'm running these days... First off, my goals: -Most important is that I want to be healthy.  After putting on a big amount of weight very suddenly while pregnant (which I know is normal and fine), I realized that I do NOT like the way I feel when I'm carrying extra weight....

Our home has been hit by the stomach bug.  It's not pretty, it's not fun.  So far I've been spared, but I figure that's just because I'm the mom and I have to take care of everyone else while they're sick.  Then they all get better, and that's when it hits me.  That's how these things tend to work, right?  Fortunately, we are a pretty healthy family so we haven't had to do this often.  We get random colds here and there, but we haven't had anything quite like this yet.  In fact, prior to yesterday, Dylan hasn't thrown up since he was about 9 months old.   So we've bunkered down at home and have been taking it easy, watching lots of cartoons all week. I'm not sure which sick person is worse...  There's the 11 month old who has no idea what is going on, could be in pain or aching and not able to communicate it (other than crying), and who has no way of warning you before he gets sick.  Then there's the 5 year old who knows he...

I miss playing piano.  I just don't really get the opportunity any more.  I have probably only played 3 or 4 times since Aaron was born, not counting the little bits here and there when I'm teaching my weekly lesson.  But right now, it's just too hard to work into my regular schedule for two big reasons:  1- It's hard to play when Aaron is awake, because he likes to crawl all over me, whine, and generally do his best to distract me, and 2- I can't play when he's asleep because I do NOT want to wake him up.  I have an upright piano, it's loud and there's no barrier between where the piano is and his room, other than his closed door which just isn't enough.  So I pretty much have to wait until there are no kids in the house, which doesn't happen often (I'm thinking maybe 3 or 4 times in the last year).  So right now I'm going through piano withdrawal.  I know it's temporary though, one happy day I'll get back into it. While on my ...

So apparently I couldn't follow through with my 3 posts a week goal.  I tried to write posts a few times and ended up deleting them.  I am totally stuck with what to write about.  It used to be little stories from my day or interesting things I stumbled upon.  But now my day is consumed with small children things.  Not exactly the most fascinating subject (and I am all too well aware of how less interesting it is to people other than my kid's parents).  So I'm just not sure where that leaves my blog.  Do I turn into a Mommy Blogger??  I guess in some ways yes.  This blog has always been intended to show my growth and talk about who I am and who I'm becoming.  And being a mom is a HUGE part of who I am.  So despite my best intentions of not turning this into a blog all about the cute things my kids did today (because let's face it, my kids ONLY do cute things-- I saw while Aaron whines away in his high chair next to), I think it may ...

I've pretty much given up on sleep. I am still up with Aaron 2-3 times a night.  Actually 4 times last night.  I'm exhausted all the time.  If I hadn't had to do this with Dylan, I would be a mess.  But this time around I decided I wouldn't complain about lack of sleep.  Occasionally things get too much and I need a nap, but for the most part, I keep chugging away.  But I am TIRED. Doesn't really matter though.  I got up early today, before the kids (who are super early risers, so that's quite a feat) and now I'm going for a run.

I'm a big fan of different seasons.  Each has it's unique identity, it's pros and cons.  We are finally out of the cold weather months and heading into warm and eventually hot weather.  But it's not just which clothes we put on that is affected by the seasons... I've come to realize that seasonal changes affect many facets of our lives. Clothes of course.  I'm currently switching out my winter and summer wardrobes.  Bonus:  I am pulling out my pre-baby summer clothes and laughing at how enormous my shorts from last summer are!  I like swapping out my closet every 6 months because I can't stand to have lots of clothes to sift through in the morning when I'm getting dressed.  The smaller my wardrobe, the happier I am.  Though I still need to work on having a good wardrobe, but that's a different issue. Music:  The next big shift I notice this time of year.  Time to put away classical, indie rock, and mellow laid back stuff.  ...

So this year I've decided to do monthly resolutions instead of vague general "for the year" resolutions.  A lot of them are little things, and a lot of them aren't even begun until the middle of the month.  But I figure that's better than nothing.  I've struggled with a good April resolution until this morning... "I should get back into my blog!"  So here I am.  April resolution begun...  hopefully 3 posts per week, starting today. I have an overall theme for 2013... Get My Life Back Together.  After the birth our our dear sweet Aaron last year, my life kind of fell apart.  And by kind of, I mean, COMPLETELY.  Between his nonstop crying for the first 4 months (thank you silent reflux), his constant need to be held by me, his terrible night sleeping (he's still up 2 times a night FYI, but it is faaaar better than it was 3 months ago), and his general unhappy disposition, I just didn't have much in me beyond meeting the basics:  feeding...