My true feelings on accompanying

So accompanying went pretty well on Sunday. I played TONS of wrong notes, but still managed to get through it (mostly thanks to all the other instrumentalists who covered up all my wrongness). It wasnt as painful as I thought it'd be. It does get a little easier every time I do it, but that doesnt mean I'm in any kind of hurry to do it again. I would rather play 10 solo recitals than 1 accompaniment kind of thing. There's just way way way too much pressure. I mean, when I'm by myself and I make a mistake, I can recover how ever I want. I can try to disguise it and move on, I can retrace a little bit, or whatever. The worse thing that happens is I make myself look bad. And I'm okay with that. Accompanying however, is very different. I have to make sure I dont cause other people to look bad when I make mistakes, and that is far far far more difficult and stressful. And i had a horrible experience the first time I accompanied someone... I still dont think I'm completely over it, but at least I'm moving in the right direction.

When I was in college I had to take 2 accompanying classes (or as I like to call them "hell on earth classes"). In the first one we accompanied vocalists and I was paired up to do 1 song each with 3 different people. All of them were really nice and really understanding of the fact that I had no clue what I was doing. Well the first girl I worked with was really great. But I had to learn this Mozart aria from Don Giovanni (I think); anyway it was crazy fast with lots of crazy notes. And I'm not one to play crazy fast, in fact I pretty much avoid it as much as possible (personal taste). But I had no choice in this. So I worked my ass off learning this piece (in fact i think this was the catalyst to my shoulder problem).

The first rehearsal was awful on my part, I couldnt play through even one page, let alone 6. But my singer was very gracious and understanding (and patient!). After that I figured out everything I needed to work on (which was everything) and got most of it together in time for our second rehearsal which went much smoother. The one good thing about accompanying is that you dont have to play every single note if you can figure out a way to get by. So I cut a lot of excess notes which made a huge difference.

And then came the day when we had to perform in class. It was great! I was so thrilled with myself. Even when we had to go through the critiques I was really amazed at how well I did. The professional accompanist said I used the pedal perfectly for the time period (she ALWAYS told everyone they were pedalling wrong) and the only problem was that I seemed too concerned with the notes to be enjoying myself (duh!). So I felt really confident after that.

At the end of the semester all the singers picked one song for the final performance and of course I got stuck with the Mozart aria (as opposed to my other songs which were much more manageable). So again I practiced so hard that I was dreaming about the song, I think by that point I nearly had it memorized... and then came the day of the big performance. Backstage I was a wreck but I went through my usual pre-performance routine to keep myself looking calm (good night's sleep, good breakfast, no sugar or caffiene, one motrin an hour ahead of time, and pace around until you go on). When it was our turn I walked out with my singer and my page turner (a first for me... for solo stuff you have to memorize everything, but for accompanying, you get to use the music). I sat down at the bench after bowing and went through my pre-playing routine (breathe very deeply while thinking through the song until I feel ready... and keep an eye on the singer to make sure she's ready), and then we began.

Well by this point I had played the song so many times that I didnt even need to look at the first page of the music, but the second page was a little trickier, so when I got to that point I looked up... and... the music was open to the WRONG PAGE. I totally freaked (and I think that I very very softly cursed--fortunately for me, I dont think anyone heard)... the only thing I could do was stop and turn the music to the correct page, which I did. And the singer did the right thing, she kept on singing and hoping for me to find her again, which after about 8 LONG LONG LONG measures I did. Of course by this time I was so freaked out that I couldnt stop my fingers from shaking which meant that I was playing all kinds of wrong notes. And no matter how much I tried to regain my composure, I just couldnt do it fast enough, which caused me to freak out even more. Somehow I stumbled around long enough for the song to end, and made my way back stage where I apologized profusely to the singer... who was again more gracious that I deserved.

Afterward the show was over I knew I had to face the teachers and I knew that was going to probably be even more painful that my few minutes on stage had been. But to my surprise I couldnt have been more wrong. The vocal teacher said something that has stayed with me and hopefully always will... it was something along the lines of this... "Hold your head high, stuff happens, you did the best you could, there's nothing to feel bad about." She was much easier on me than I was on myself....

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