Reading

I used to read non-stop when I was younger. In fact I would get in trouble for reading at what my parents and teachers considered to be inappropriate times. I'd read first thing in the morning before going to school, I'd read on the bus on the way to school (the years I rode the bus), I'd read during class (inappropriate time), when I got home, and for a few hours before I'd go to bed (inappropriate as well-- depending on how late it was). And I'd read just about anything. I'd go through all the books we had in our house and read as much as I could. I'd make the biggest dent in the books during the summers when we moved. Since I'd be in a new environment (and since I dont enjoy hot weather much), i'd spend most of my days reading book after book after book until school started and I made friends again.

But then sometime in high school i think, I just stopped reading. I dont know why. I mean, I would read the required books for english, but that was it. And sometimes I wouldnt even read those, I'd read the cliffs notes instead. I think I started getting frustrated because I couldnt read at my own pace anymore. I mean, I'm not a fast reader. I need to absorb every word, paint the images in my mind, live with the characters. And that takes time. And in high school they gave you just enough time to scan the pages of the book and jump to conclusions about what was going on. I think I was trying to protest that. Occasionally I would really read the book if it really interested me. But I stopped reading for pleasure at some point.

In college I had no time to read. Whenever I felt like reading it usually came to this choice "you could read now, or you could practice piano... and what do you need to do more?" Well I need to practice... but I really want to read. And sure I'd read things like my Java programming book, or an autobiography of Elanore Roosevelt, or whatever my class assignment was. But I never read because I loved it.

High school has past. College has past. I'm all grown up, living in my own home, with my own business. Making my own rules (yes, I drink directly out of the OJ carton.) And I still dont read. I keep trying to, but now the problem is that I dont know what to read. I buy books about music theory and history, but I have to dissect them to get every morsel there is, and that takes so long (and usually requires me to take notes or make outlines). I try reading books my mom has read (anna karenina... so boring). I try to find books online that seem interesting, but it always feels like such a waste of time. I could be reading, or I could finish the laundry, make dinner, pay bills, take the dog for a walk, prep for lessons, practice piano, mow the lawn, go grocery shopping, make the bed, vacuum, it goes on and on and on...

Whatever happened to my love for reading? I miss it so much. I wish I had something to read right now.

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