Things to Stop Striving for

-balance. All this does is make me feel guilty when I don't spend an equal amount of time on ALL THE THINGS. Whether they are important or not. I'm giving up the idea of finding balance in my life and instead fully embracing my PRIORITIES. things that are important to me based on my values, morals, and principles. I spend my time, effort, and energy accordingly and I feel much better, my life runs more smoothly, and I am much happier because of it.

-Compromise. Early on someone told Matt and I that compromise isn't really the best way to resolve a conflict. Because neither side gets what they want and both people feel resentment because they gave up what they want to make the other person happy. It's a lose-lose. Instead,  I'm looking for a TEAM approach to problem solving. no winner or loser mentality. It should be about coming together to address a problem with a solution that works. Does this mean everyone gets what they want all the time?  No. But it hopefully means we see each other as allies instead of opponents. And it puts the problem at hand in focus instead of trying to "win."  That different people have different ideas about how to solve the problem is a good thing and hopefully moves everyone and the situation in a more positive and progressive direction. This works not just in marital relationships, but in life in general. 

-being nice. Okay, there's nothing really wrong with being nice. I just think that for me at least, I tend to treat niceness as being more important than honesty or authenticity when it may result in conflict. It's my way of shrinking down when faced with a challenge. Sometimes this is fine because not every situation deserves a fight. But sometimes I need to stand my ground and I don't. That said I do think that kindness and respect are always a good thing.