Project 365: Day 146

Bedtime story.

I have been struggling with my fear of failure a lot lately.  I feel like I'm not improving enough or getting to be good enough in various areas of my life.  Especially with the things that I have been putting effort into.  Photography is one of them, but not the only one... I have my 10 mile race in less than 2 weeks and while I feel pretty confident that I can run 10 miles at this point, I worry that I'm too slow.  Maybe not so slow that I won't make the 2:20:00 cut off, but slow enough that it's kind of a joke to even say I'm running.  So many people (and running articles) make it seem like I should easily be able to keep a faster pace than I do, but I struggle with even running a single 10 minute mile.  So instead of feeling proud for what I can do, I feel ashamed of what I can't.  And I feel like my pictures are stuck at mediocre... and I can't figure out what I need to do to break through this level.  I see what other people are doing and it's so beyond anything I feel capable of...  And I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people because that's the easiest way to get discourage, but I don't want to delude myself into thinking I'm doing better than I actually am either.  I'm trying to not let it get me too down, and I know the only way to actually get any better is to keep pushing it, but as of right now I'm just too tired to keep fighting off the negative voices.  But I'm trying to force myself to keep going through the motions for now, I know that the only way to a better place is to keep moving, even if it is only at a snail's pace.


Project 365: Day 145

Aaron's favorite indoor activity... bath time!  We both had fun this night... he got to splash in the water for as long as he could stand it, and I put the flash on my camera and treated the bathroom like a giant soft box.  This is probably one of my best people pictures to date.

***I am wondering if I should just call it quits with this 365, I've been missing days every week lately.  I'm not quite ready to completely give in, but it may happen soon.


Project 365: Day 140

I thought I'd try something a little different today.  I've been playing around with some of the video functions on my camera and I really like it.  I just cant figure out how to compress the video enough to get it so I'm not trying to upload a 100MB file.  So this is a test.  Other things I haven't quite figured out:  1- which focus mode works best for video, 2- My "good" lenses don't have vibration reduction, so the footage is super shaky, and 3- lots of the camera noise is picked up by the mic, so it's probably better to watch without sound.  But...  when I do manage to get decent focus, it looks so good.  I'm probably not really going to much video, but I figure I should at least learn how to use it in case I want to from time to time.  Hopefully the video loaded correctly here, if not...  well, just more to learn.


Project 365: Day 139

In an effort to eat more produce (without making my grocery trips unbearably long) we've been getting weekly fruit and veggies delivered.  Most delicious mail ever!


Project 365: Day 138

Just a quick snapshot from today.


Project 365: Day 137

Happy St. Patricks Day!!!

A couple days ago we spent hours at the playground with no jackets... today we woke up to 9 inches of snow.  It's been quite the winter.  I love it!!  Once last (maybe) chance to practice taking snowflake pictures.  They didn't turn out as great this time as last time, I'm not sure why exactly, but maybe next winter I'll figure it out and get some really good shots.  Since Dylan was home with a snow day (#14 for the school year) we had time to make some green cupcakes, and he even edited one of the pictures with me.


Project 365: Day 136

Taking a walk with the little one while his dad and big brother are at the movies.  I played around with color on this... just for fun.  The grass isn't really that green, but the dead brown color was too drab.  I think I need to start learning how to do nice clean, simple edits soon, but for now I'm still having fun experimenting.


Project 365: Day 135

An absolutely perfect day for the playground.  Sunny skies and just warm enough to play.  We even ran into a lemonade stand.  Too bad this weather won't last.  It was nice to get some good outside shots again though.  I'm especially happy because I was able to get one decent shot with both of the kids together (the last one).  That is much harder than I anticipated.  I don't know how professional photographers manage to get such nice shots of families all together.  I may need to learn some new tricks.


Project 365: Day 134

Two more from yesterday.  Aaron is becoming quite the bookworm.


Project 365: Day 133

One for each kid today.  It was too cold to be outside today so we spent the afternoon in Dylan's room.  A nice lazy day.


Project 365: Day 132

We found some green in the garden today!  Spring is coming!


Project 365: Day 131

Out for a walk.  Aaron wants to spend every waking moment outside these days.  He nearly walked a mile after Dylan got on the bus and I still had to drag him kicking and screaming inside for his nap.


Project 365: Day 130

In gratitude after yesterday's ordeal:

My family at home.  Safe and sound and enjoying a beautiful day outside!  Completely perfect, even if the picture isn't.


Project 365: Day 129

No picture from me today.  It was a crazy day.  Crazy.

The house 2 doors over caught fire early this morning and burned completely to the ground (with the exception of their garage).  We were told to evacuate our house as a precautionary because the fire was beginning to spread.  Matt and I grabbed the kids, the dog, our back up hard drive and wallets and left the house.  Our very kind neighbors took us in for a few hours while we waited to see what would happen.  Thanks to the firefighters, the fire was contained to the one house, and ours was completely fine.  It was such a weird thing to go through.  I realize that we were completely untouched by the fire, but the ordeal left me a little shaken... definitely too close to home.  Afterwards, when we were back home and safe Matt and I talked about our fire escape plan...  including: should we have grabbed anything else?  Nope, maybe some of Matt's paintings if we could have managed.  All this stuff all over our house, and we would have been totally fine to let it burn.  I'm glad he was able to easily grab the hard drive, only because our pictures and home movies are on it, and I really would hate to lose that, but otherwise it's amazing to see how detached we really are from all our stuff.

Anyway, here is a link to some photos of the fire taken by a fire fighter.  I just couldn't bring myself to pick up my camera at all that day (nor do I have any interest in taking pictures of the fire, either during or afterwards).



Project 365: Day 128

I've been learning to love grapefruit lately.  I cut it up, broil it and eat it over a bowl of yogurt sweetened with honey.  Never mind the fact that the first time I tried broiling the grapefruit I set the wax paper (which was part of the recipe) on fire.  Also, that was the first time I ever used a broiler.  But I'm glad I tried it again, because it is delicious... and I don't really even like grapefruit, or yogurt for that matter.


Project 365: Day 127

My bouquet from the previous week is on it's last legs so I'm squeezing in a few more floral pictures while I can.  The crazy thing about these two images is that they were both taken under the same light conditions.  I just went in different directions with the editing.  I'm really excited about all the flowers I will get to take pictures of this spring :)


Project 365: Day 123

Yesterday's picture just didn't happen.  So I'm throwing in a few extra today to make up for it.

Snow Day # 12


February Running update

This has been a pretty good month for running, despite the fact that it's the middle of winter which means it's been cold and snowy.  If I knew that every Virginia winter was going to be like this, I'd happily switch over to cross country skiing during these months.  But sadly, these kinds of winters are rare.  Anyway, here are my monthly stats.

Total Miles for the month: 50.5 

Total Miles for 2014: 100.6
Longest run: 9 miles, which is my longest run ever!  My overall pace was 11:07, which puts me 30 seconds ahead of my super-wishful goal when I do the 10 miler (I'm hoping to do that with an 11:30-12:00 min pace).  I could hardly believe it.
Fastest mile time:  I probably won't check again until it's warmer out
Indoors, on the treadmill:  getting my comfortable/maintainable pace close to 6.0 (still working on this, getting better).  Recovery pace is solid at 5.0 and I've declared Wednesdays my "Run 3 miles in under 30mins" day.  The Friday run varies depending on how the week is going and how I'm feeling, but I'm working up to 4 miles at a solid and consistent 6.0 pace.  I honestly think the hardest part of that is the boredom factor.
Pain:  the pain in my hip is only really there on the slow parts of my long run...  I think that means I'm running too slow.  ???

Other:  I have finally realized that I set too many running goals that I never even come close to reaching.  Which totally doesn't bother me, I think I mostly use them to help push me to try harder and do better.  But for now I'm giving myself permission to plateau for a while.  I am pretty happy with my current running state, and want to just kind of hang out here until the effort for the runs I've been doing gets easier.  Which may take a while, but that's okay.  Sometimes it's good to just let yourself be.

Push ups:  In just the past week I've started adding full push-ups to my daily routine.  My goal right now is to do 10 full push ups a day, and the rest on my knees.  And I am DEFINITELY feeling the tiredness of doing them every day (I'm up to 60 a day at this point).  I'm thinking that soon I'll need to take at least one day a week off for recovery.  I'll probably choose my long run day since that is exhausting enough on it's own.  

But I am also noticing results.  I think for the first time in my life I can actually feel my triceps.  

Push up this month:  1,229

Push up total:  1,729

Project 365: Day 121

Dylan is at a friend's science birthday party.  He has soooo much fun.  I brought my camera convinced that I'd be brave enough to take some pictures of the science experiments, but I wasn't.  In fact I only took two quick little pictures (through a window, hence the reflection).  Oh well, more things to work on.