A First

Last Friday I experienced a new first for myself. I went to the movies alone! It was great. I mean you dont really talk to anyone while you're at the movies, so it's not like I really need the company. I think it's just usually a social event so I always felt the need to bring people with me. But last week Twilight came out, and I was dying to see it. Unfortunately nearly everyone I know went and saw it at the midnight showing on Thursday, and that just wasn't practical for me... with a baby that wakes up about 3 times a night, I didn't want to leave matt with a screaming hungry baby that he couldn't take care of. So I had to wait. But on Friday Matt came home from work early and offered to watch the Dylan so I could go see my movie. I thought about trying to find someone to go with me, but it seemed like too much of a hassle, so I just went by myself. I think it's one of the first independent, fun things I've done post-baby (doctor's appointments and grocery shopping don't count because they are NOT fun). Anyway, here are my thoughts on the movie.

First of all... it is TOTALLY a teen girl movie. I was in a theater full of teenagers. There were a few other adults there, but not many. And you could tell it was totally geared towards teen girls because one of the pre-movie commercials was for DDR (that's Dance Dance Revolution for those of you not in the know). I felt a little out of place, but didnt really care too much. Then during the movie as soon as Edward made his first appearance ALL the girls started screaming (so happy that I have a boy).

As for the movie itself... It's pretty bad. I mean, I totally enjoyed it because I really like the book. But as far as movies go, it wasn't very good. The directing is weird at times, some of the acting is off, parts that are supposed to be serious just come off as goofy (there was laughing in the theater), and the story is very choppy. But I got to relive the book, so I was happy. And I got a night out for myself, which was really nice.

I also heard that they are going to turn the second book into a movie, so I'm excited about that!

Paranoid Mommy Syndrome

No one really warned me how about how much worrying comes with being a parent. I mean I know you worry about big and general things like "is my kid safe?" and "I hope nothing bad happens to them." But no one told me about the day to day, minute to minute obsessing over things that could be wrong with them, but in the big picture they probably aren't anything worth worrying over.

For instance... from the time Dylan was 2 weeks old, until he was nearly 4 months old he had a persistent diaper rash. I went to the pediatrician numerous times to get every kind of diaper rash medication known to man (then finally stopped going when my pediatrician said "some babies just are so sensitive that they'll have rashes until they're no longer in diapers" soooo comforting), I left him out of his diaper as much as possible (no diaper = no diaper rash). And every diaper change was so stressful, I had to be careful not to wipe too hard, or use anything with soaps and fragrances, then I had to apply all this cream, and I would stress over the fact that nothing seemed to be making a difference. It felt like this was at the front of my mind all day. I felt so bad for him, it looked so painful. But he seemed fine, never cried about it, didn't mind diaper changes at all. It was all just me, and my paranoid mommy syndrome. Eventually though, it did get better. I dont think it was anything I did, I think he just got over it (actually I think it had something to do with the fact that he starting pooping less frequently, but I don't really think people want to read all about his pooping habits so we'll just say it was magic that helped get him better).

Anyway, I am not one to obsess over things, or be paranoid that something as small as a diaper rash means the world is ending. I like to think that worrying is a waste of energy, instead you just do what you need to do to deal with a situation. But when it comes to Dylan, every little thing gets to me. In the past week here are some of the doomsday issues I've had to deal with:
-drool rash (apply some vaseline to it a few times a day and it healed)
-dry skin
-teething pain
-his first cold

Last night I think the teething pain and cold got so strong that he couldn't take it any more. He just started screaming... wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. Nothing I did seemed to help. And he was so tired he could hardly even keep his eyes open, but I dont think he was comfortable enough to sleep. I seriously was about 5 minutes away from bringing him to the ER, but decided to give tylenol a try first. But during this whole thing all these terrible thoughts were going through my mind... what if it's an ear infection (and today is thanksgiving so where do I bring him to get checked out)? what if something is bothering him that I can't see (and he can't communicate to me) that is totally unrelated to the cold or teething, but is something serious, what if I put him back in his crib asleep and he can't breathe through his nose (because of congestion) and then for some reason doesn't figure out that he needs to open his mouth to breathe and he stops breathing in the middle of the night and I have no idea? ... and so on. Anyway, fortunately 20 minutes later, he was back to his usual happy, hungry self. Ate and then immediately went to sleep, and all the terrible thoughts went away.

So anyway, I didn't really end up getting much sleep last night. Then this morning he woke up 2 hours earlier than usual. I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but no luck. So I made myself some coffee and put in Jeff Tweedy's concert dvd while he played on the floor. Fortunately he's taking a nap now, but I couldnt go back to sleep (thanks to the coffee), so I'm just finishing watching the dvd. It reminds me of my pregnant sleepless nights when I would wake up at like 2am with nasty heartburn. I'd come downstairs pour myself a little glass of milk, pop in this dvd and fall asleep on the couch.


Meme Time

I got tagged for a meme by Tom. This one is all about randomness, which is pretty much how my whole blog is, so this should fit right in.

Link to the person who tagged you.

Post the rules on your blog.
Write 6 random things about yourself.
Tag 6-ish people at the end of your post.
Let each person know he/she has been tagged.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1- I have never had a full time job. I have held multiple part time jobs at once, but never a full 40 hour salary, benefits, kinda thing.

2- The only food I absolutely will NOT eat, or eat anything that has come into contact with, is baloney. I also will not make other people baloney sandwiches because I don't want to even touch or smell it. There are other foods I don't particularly like but will still eat because I'm not really a picky eater, it's just that baloney is too disgusting.

3- I have the rights to an arrangement of a localish all girls prep school's song. I was asked to record it on piano one year for their video yearbook. I also wrote it down (because there was no sheet music for it) and added a few chords in case someone wanted to accompany the girls. The following year I got a call from the school's new music teacher asking me for permission for them to use my arrangement at their graduation ceremony. I felt so professional, and shocked that they bothered to track me down and ask, I think most people would have just done it without asking. I was also shocked that they even needed my permission, not like I wrote the song or anything. But since I'm such a nice person, I gave them permission (for free even).

4- Most days I wish I was a brunette, but I doubt I would ever dye my hair any other color because I'm too lazy when it comes to maintenance for something like that.

5- I wouldn't mind having to wear a uniform because I don't know how to express myself through my clothes, nor do I particularly want to. But if I knew what I was going to wear everyday that would take a lot of stress (and prep time in the morning) off of me.

6- I get really excited when I hear people speaking German on TV or in a movie and I can understand it (because I don't understand much). If someone is around me, I'll translate it for them, even though there are almost always subtitles, at the very least I'll point out the fact that I didn't need the subtitles to understand what was said.

As for tagging 6 more people... um... I dont really know anyone else to tag because I don't read a whole lot of blogs, and I dont think very many people read mine. I'm kind of a mem dead-end. But if you have a blog and would like to participate, please feel free!


I miss sleep

I've never really considered myself a High Energy Person. I'm not one of those people who is always perky and bubbly and on the go. On a nice sunny day I prefer staying in and reading a book or practicing piano, after a long day I need a long amount of sleep to recover, overall I have a fairly mellow disposition. Part of me used to think that meant I was a lazy person, but then a good friend of mine said that I wasn't lazy, I was just more mentally active than physically active. I really like that description of me, so I have learned to accept my low-key personality over the past few years, rather than think that if I'm not constantly on the go, something is wrong with me.

That being said... taking care of a baby is very taxing on me. Dylan is constantly on the go. I feel like at this point, the older he gets, the more exhausted I'm going to be. He's not even crawling yet, but he rolls all over the place and has been getting very interested in whatever objects he can get his hands on. He doesn't like to stay in one place for much longer than 10 minutes and I need to constantly be next to him to keep him from getting into some kind of trouble. I realize that this is something every parent goes through, and it's really fine. I dont mind playing on the floor with him all day. The problem is that he is turning into a terrible sleeper. I think he's getting all the sleep he needs, but I am not getting anywhere near the amount of sleep I need. I keep thinking that any day now he'll learn to sleep through the night, but after talking with people who have older children, I'm beginning to lose hope. And I really don't mind getting up once or twice during the night if I know that he'll take good naps during the day so that I can relax a little then, but he's stopped taking good naps lately. So I haven't been getting my downtime to relax, or even to do things like the laundry. I've even stopped going out during potential nap times so that I can make sure I'm able to at least sit and relax during his short naps, even if it's just for 20 minutes. The fact that there seems to be no end in sight is really starting to get to me. How am I going to manage once he's really mobile? Being a mom is hard.

I dont mean to complain so much, because of course I love my little boy more than I thought I could, and he is a lot of fun now. He laughs at pretty much anything that moves, which is adorable. And he's a really good baby. At least he's not miserable and cranky all day (even if I am some days). It's so weird because there are times when I get so frustrated, but he has no idea, and he'll just give me this huge smile which makes it so hard to stay in a bad mood. It's like his super power.

Needless to say, I certainly dont take sleep for granted anymore.